一个月了
我可以不要每天都因为心理压迫而醒吗
到底要多久
才可以好好的睡一觉
好好的醒来
这样很累
因为压迫很累
我想要放轻松
可是不能
很难

上次去看心理医生
有轻微忧虑Depression
原来麻痹是这样来的
真的很够力乱麻痹
一开始真的想不做了
可是我真的想像不到我的未来
我不想做bankadminaccount等
我真的做不懂这些东西
然后医生一直讲我们这些草莓族就是不能用
我虽然当下狂哭，心理还是骂了一声
老娘才不是草莓族
然后种种原因
还是回去了
难道是因为医生故意的激将法？！
不想风吹就倒
不想看起来那么容易放弃
还是不喜欢
恩
不喜欢
可是人生其实真的没有什么选择
一开始喜欢这个行业
就是一个开始
你让我突然去做别的东西
我真的不会也不懂
想要做这个行业真的太久了
久到我只会有关的知识
其他的我真的不会也不懂
既然没得选
只有硬着头皮去做该做的事情
环境人际等都还在努力适应
还是寡言还是一个人
可是起码一个人的时候不需要刻意想话题硬聊很好
不尴尬很好
每天要做的东西还是一样
找资料 联络
我以前读书最烦就是这个鸟东西
避之唯恐不及
妈的现在避都避不到
不喜欢还是要做
不会讲还是要学
不记得还是要记
没有什么选择的
能怎样
人生如无意外的话
要走的路那么长那么弯那么乱
我们避得了多久逃得去多远
没有什么可以选择
大家都问怎样啊你
我只能说还好啊ok啊
我也不知道自己能怎样啊
只能一路走而已
看慢慢会不会摸索到一条自己的方向
有可能最后会找到一条路

现在我只是恨迫不及待的想去韩国
是我的ultimategoal
现在努力工作都是为了他！
明年明年！
一定可以的

一个人在家

很压抑

我不知道我应该怎么做

一方面 是我很想不做了我不喜欢我就是不喜欢这份工作

一方面 我是不是应该坚持下去呢做做下是不是会变更好

我是不是不应该那么任性

第一份工作

两个星期

我很不开心

朋友说趁现在还早还没有签约先离开

再慢慢找自己喜欢的东西

我快找不到想不到自己喜欢什么东西了

这几天我不停的想我是不是该坚持

第一份工作

这样放弃太可惜

可是我不喜欢真的不喜欢

从第一天上班就不喜欢

优柔寡断

连累身边的朋友家人也觉得我很烦

我知道我很烦

我不知道应该怎样做

怎样是对的 怎样是错的

如果我重新回到岗位上

如果我未来的日子都是这样的情绪这样的压力

是不是值得我回去

可是我是不是应该坚持

坚持的话 可能会喜欢呢

坚持的话 可能会习惯呢

每次有了决定 又被推翻再推翻

我应该怎么做

爸爸妈妈对我很失望我知道

我很没有用我知道

我很失败我知道

怎么会变这样呢

我满怀期待的想开始新生活

却一蹋糊涂

却事事不顺

为什么会这样呢

如果第一份工作就这样放弃

第二份工作是不是也会这样

我的人生是不是会一路烂下去

我知道这份工作是我不想的

我想放弃

我不知道我的未来在那里

我还有路可走吗

我真的想消失。

我做不到决定
我觉得我很没有用
我不想可是妈妈觉得不应该这样
很多人觉得我不应该这样
可是我不喜欢
经过这样若回去
我会更不喜欢
很不喜欢
可是人生长大是不是注定要一直尝试
不能随便放弃
不能任性
我其实很想任性很想放弃
可是我又觉得是不是可以再尝试是不是可以习惯
世界都在看低我
我是没有用的人
我想当乌龟
很混乱很害怕
我应该怎样做才是最好
对我最好
每天哭睡醒烦
我真的不知道应该怎样做我想消失。

i just want to write

WHERE IS MY FUCKING PASSION!

昨夜失眠够够力

凌晨1点light off

用电话到电话死掉3点

我还眼光光-.-

大概4点睡着

一边哼all of the stars一边培养睡意

越哼歌词越错哈

it's just another night and i staring at the ceiling

i saw a little cockroach and i thought of you

-.-

and i know these scars will bleed

but both of our hearts believe

chasing cars 也不错听

if i lay here

if i just lay here

would you lied with me 

and just forget the world

成绩出了

我更够力压力

工作啊

烦不烦

i can see the stars from america

i saw a shooting stars and thought you

if you were here i would sing to you

The fault In Our Stars

i only realized there was mandarin version of this book after i finished it-.-

'生命中美好的缺憾'

i really wanted to give up when i just started to read TFIOS

due to load of unknown wordS

UNKNOWN WORDS

luckily i managed to finish it after all

Pheww~~

actually i couldn't tahan to read translated version 

because of the translated names, name of the city

 everything is translated

i will stop reading the translated version in just few pages

 if compared to the original book

i love the feeling when they plan to go to Amsterdam and of course afterwards till the end

Reading this book is like accompanying 

Augustus and Hazel riding a roller coaster that only going up

There are several parts i really liked, i can feel how they feel

quite strange because it's English Book LOL

 and i burst into laugh when i read this:

'Hazel Grace," he said, "do you have a pen and a piece of paper?"

i said i did.

"Okay, please draw a circle."

i did.

"Now draw a smaller circle within that circle."

i did

"the larger circle is virgins. 

the smaller circle is seventeen-year-old-guys with one legs"

this part is heart breaking.

As I knelt, i realized they'd closed his eyes-of course they had

and that i would never again see his blue eyes.

"'I love you present tense," I whispered, and then put my hand 

on the middle of his chest and said,

"It's okay, Gus. It's okay.It is. It's okay, you hear me?"

i had-and have- absolutely no confidence that he could hear me.

I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. 

"Okay," 

I said.

"Okay."

The only person i really wanted to talk to about Augustus waters's death was

Augustus waters.

Augustus said "Okay?"

Hazel said "Okay."

oh my.

Okay is such a flirting word for both of them

read the book you would know what i mean

every time they said okay 

i smirked a little and imagine the crookedly smile that Augustus would had that

attract Hazel in her first sight

crookedly smirked.

woof.

The Fault In Our Stars I Ed Sheeran - All Of The Stars

Lyrics:
It's just another night
and i'm staring at the moon
i saw a shooting stars 
and thought of you
i sang i lullaby 
by the waterside and knew
if you were here
i'd sing to you

You're on the other side
as the skyline splits in two
i'm miles away from seeing you 
i can see the stars 
from America
i wonder 
do you see them too?

You're on the other side

So open your eyes and see
the way our horizons meet
and all of the lights will lead
into the night with me
and i know these scars will bleed
as both of our hearts bleed
all of these stars will guide us home

i can hear your heart
on the radio beat
They're playing Chasing Cars

And i thought of us
Back to the time
you were lying next to me
I looked across and fell in love
So i took your hand
Back through London streets i knew
Everything led back to you
So can you see the stars
Over Amsterdam
You're the song my heart is beating to

So open your eyes and see
the way our horizons meet
and all of the lights will lead
into the night with me
and i know these scars will bleed
as both of our hearts bleed
all of these stars will guide us home

And Oh i know
And oh i know

i can see the stars
from America

Personally like the chorus part :) :)

All of the stars bring out the atmosphere of TFIOS

Beautiful lyrics and melody

i could understand even more deeply after i read the book

this song really fit the love of augustus and hazel nicely and beautifully

when i typing this blog, i'm listening to it.

TFIOS feel deep deep!

The fault in our stars is on screen in September!

such a long period to wait.

that's a reason why i want to finish the novel first!

just watching the trailer make me really sad

when i start reading the book i keep thinking why the book

like never ending(because of my poor english)

but then when shit happen, i just hope everything happening could just stop a second

let me breath.let hazel and augustus breath.just a second

September please come faster!and i hope the translations is good.

Please be good.

oh shit.

tomorrow result release?

June, i need to fucking start working?

God, please let the time spin slower

just stop for a second.

i need to breath.

i can see the stars from america.